ASK IRIS EXPLOSION! episode 666 Happy Halloween!
Welcome back to another episode of #AskIris Explosion!
A new sex column for Orange Krush Girls.
I’m Iris, a sex educator, burlesque performer, nerd and pervert, and I’m here to help you with all your dirty sex and dating questions.
Happy autumn beloved perverts! I hope everyone is working on their slutty (pop culture figure/beloved children’s television character/vegetable) costume for Halloween!
As a cis woman, I hear a lot about being a “squirter.” I know that when I cum, I do release a load of gooey stuff, but it doesn’t squirt out. Is this the same as “squirting?” If not, can I train my body to become a squirter?
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor or a scientist, just an enthusiastic sex-obsessed nerd with knowledge gained through life and book learnin’. So the thing about bodies is that they’re full of stuff, and they sometimes do funny things with that stuff, especially during sex. In simple terms, the predominant theory is that squirt is just ejaculatory fluid minus sperm. Your goo may be that, but it may also just be an expulsion of vaginal discharge resulting from the intense muscle contractions of an orgasm. If you’re worried about it, see a doctor.
As far as becoming a squirter, there are a few things you can try! Most sex educators recommend exploring focused g-spot stimulation. A firm, curved sex toy would be an excellent tool. Bodies are weird, though, and it’s not the same across the board. Some folks can only squirt from intense clit stimulation, or the ability to squirt may come and go throughout life. Some people can also have psychological blocks, usually from fear of messing up sheets and mattresses, so try waterproofing with towels or special sheets/blankets to help you relax!
My husband and I have been together for 9 years and married 5. The first couple of years our sex life was great but as the years have gone it’s started declining. I get turned down more often. It’s been 5 months since we’ve had sex. He claims he just wants to decompress after work. I’ve tried asking what I can do to ignite a spark and he says it’s just his problem. I know he masturbates so I know it’s not that he can’t get an erection.
I’m sorry, that’s a tough situation to be in. At least he has acknowledged that the problem is his, and not putting it on you. Sexual sparks can wear off after the beginning of a relationship, as you settle into a routine as a couple, but if you’re needs are not being met, that is cause for a serious discussion. If he can get an erection on his own, he may be suffering some performance anxiety. If that’s the case, I recommend taking boner-related activities off the table for a while. Ask if he can cater to your pleasure, and prioritize oral, fingering, or toys. You can also try masturbating together. If he feels pressured by how often you approach, you can work to set some parameters, such as only expecting sex once a week, or whatever you are both comfortable with. If he’s tired and stressed after work, maybe try and schedule something intimate for the weekends. You can suggest the option of non-monogamy, so you can get your needs elsewhere, but make sure you both set clear ground rules that work for both of you. The important thing is to make sure you firmly and clearly communicate to him that your need for pleasure and to feel desired by him is a necessity for your happiness in the relationship. Good luck!
See you next time, lovers and perverts!
About the Author Iris Explosion is a burlesque performer, sex educator, and budding sex therapist. Ask your sex and relationship questions anonymously
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